To celebrate April Fool’s Day, representatives from the White House reported that the indefinitely detained inmates at Guantanamo Bay were switched with the current detainees at the Chicago Black Site, while all being told they were being released.
“We decided to go public with this in the spirit of April Fools… the joke’s on everyone!” An anonymous White House secretary denied any mistreatment of inmates. “They all were walked onto a plane where there hoods were taken off so they could see the beautiful outdoors from the skies above. They tasted freedom for the first time in months, some of them years.”
A pilot for an undisclosed airline company, whom we will call ‘Joey’, shared with us, “It was really humanitarian actually. The Guantanamo guys get to be in a real U.S. city, with real cops, and the dudes who f***ed up in Chicago are learning a valuable lesson in Cuba.”
A flight attendant for the same airline was touched by the experience. “How the bearded man looked when he saw the Great Lakes and Chicago’s skyline approaching; you should’ve seen him. When he asked me, ‘This- this America? Where they have Constitution and follow the laws and the rights?’ And–,” ‘Mary’ choked up.
“And I told him yes. Yes, Welcome to America, ‘Mohammed’. Land of the free.”
“Oh yeah, it was f***in’ funny!” chimed in Joey.
Who exactly the target audience was for this joke is not clear, but some suspect it is in response to the Russian proposal of a “Northern Non-Intimidation Treaty” which would be an agreement by all Northern Hemisphere nations to respect international laws equally and promise to never pre-emptively strike or sanction another country acting legally within those laws. Prime Minister Putin called President Obama after midnight April 1st, and Obama reportedly hung up the phone in laughter after a sarcastic sounding “Sure thing, pooty-poot”.
“I do not know why he laughed,” Putin remarked in his first press conference in weeks. President Obama could not be reached for comment. Apparently, some holidays get lost in translation!
Also, no one could reach any of the Gitmo or Chigo detainees or on-site personnel. A missing persons search is now being conducted for the unknown number of unidentified detainees.